Even if there are a thousand friends out there i still have nobody, not one person would understand of what i've felt. Not even a person would. Nobody.

I've tried to tell them of what really feel but i just can't. I totally doesn't want anyone to see of how i try to swollen everything up. Of how I've try to live the next day and how hard it is.

Even i told Fara about what felt, she do said she understood, but she doesn't at the time she said to stop being sad. I'm not Allah who is powerful enough to stop what i felt, just stop being sad. I just can't.

What really hard for me is when i thought he would be the one, the one lah sangat. (everything is unsure from now on)

When I gathering every power i have to change, for real. Changing.

Changing for another level, a new level that i never thought it would be the time.

And when you was just left me and blaming everything up to me, i feel stupid and useless and retarded and sampah and asshole and dumbass and much more. You throw everything on me, like everything was about me the reason of you are leaving me

but when the truth is you left me for another love. It was the fact that i am myself right now try to accept in every any possible way. I feel breathless, mostly dying of thinking of that fact.

I would totally choose death if it easier than being alive. But it is just not. It doesn't.